I remember when everyone was talking about that book “The Secret”. Full disclosure, I’ve never read it. I thought it seemed stupid and woo-woo, and every time I think about it I imagine that scene in 30 Rock where Jenna Maroney refers to the process that The Secret advises as “Secreting,” like an Amazonian frog secreting poison. A lot of things seem woo-woo to me but now that I’m doing therapy I see that some of those things actually help people, so I’m trying to keep an open mind. Another therapist suggested when I was complaining about something that I ask the universe to change it for me. It didn’t sound like a bad idea, so I did. I guess it’s like praying for the non-religious. In that vein, I love crafting and had some old magazines at home so I made a vision board.
Maybe it’s a sign of growth as a person but since starting to do therapy as a profession and exploring different modalities in training, I’ve been surprised at the things that make me emotional. I was in sand tray training and found myself almost crying in front of strangers over this stupid little sandbox. I had been making comments, fidgeting, doing work on my laptop, and in general not taking the presenter seriously for basically the entire training and there he was looking at me with this kind understanding while I explained these figures that were supposed to be my family and tried not to cry. I hated that it had worked on me.
I did this vision board last weekend and the same thing happened – I thought, this is a stupid exercise but I’ll try it out and make something since I have a few hours to kill and I’m getting sick of being snowed in all weekend. I went through a few articles online on tips for how to make a vision board and why you should do it. Basically you cut out words and images that represent how you want to feel with the idea that if you make these things manifest you can bring them about in real life. I decided to make one for work and one for my personal life. Cutting out words and pictures, I started to see the thing I wanted to make manifest was confidence in both of those realms.
People always think you’re confident if you’ve gotten great at faking it or are simply outgoing. I found this picture of myself as a kid wearing some early 90s business attire and that hit me so hard. I can imagine that I wore that one day, or someone put it on me, and I walked into the room and everyone cracked up at how ridiculous I looked. I probably smiled because I was so happy that other people were laughing and it was nice to be included, have attention, and make them happy. I still feel like that so much of the time, except now it’s people who see me in the hypothetical business suit who want to think it’s a joke and it’s up to me to realize it isn’t. In times that I’ve done that, I noticed the counter that happens – the anger, the questioning, who do you think you are? What I really wanted to make manifest is not that these reactions from other people stop, but that I stop believing in them.